Secret Addiction

The sun burns dazzling bright upon my face
Beckoning me to face my demons
Why can't I stay in bed and hide my rage
Will today be the day I win the battle of good over evil
My head fills with the familiar throbbing, gnawing pain of defeat
The intense pressure builds
My elixir awaits me
Do I surrender to it
Extinguishing the fire
Only to tremble in shame

Covered in putrid, dirtied blood
I die on my battlefield
As I have died each morning for twenty five years
Numbing and suffering
Burying my rage
Abandoning me
My secret is safely tucked inside the crevasse of my inadequacy
The unspeakable has been fed again
I walk and I talk the mask of my own illusion
I survive unnoticed
The Big Lie intact

Time moves slowly
Down an ancient path of rage
Unconscious of it's cords
Wrapped tightly around me
Strangling my freedom
I cry for the Truth
Not with my resistance
But with my compassion and Self-Love
I am inspired
Diving deeply into my own abyss
As though an anchor adorned my descent
I stroke through the dross of my existence
Unwinding the cords of the ages
Leaving nothing to be unrealized
Responsible for each strand
I speak the unspeakable
I am free
I live

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