I used to love Doing on Saturdays. Primarily shopping. Buying something new would always make me feel somehow more fulfilled, though only for a short while, until the newness passed. Then the ever-present feelings of emptiness would resurface. A temporary high, a temporary sense of fulfillment. How many new dresses, shoes, shirts does it take to fill the emptiness?

It's been 20 years now since I had an epiphany while shopping. I had the awareness that whatever I bought, however many new things I filled myself with, it would never be enough to create lasting happiness. I opened for the possibility of something more that day.

I began my search for a more lasting sense of peace and happiness. I believe I have found it, though not where I would have expected it. It has taken many years and relentless work.

I have found this peace and happiness, this sense of joy, within myself. Within my own individuated expression of God. Within my Love. Within my Being. Within my awareness of and connection with the Divinity within myself and within all Beings.

I now Love to simply Be, rather than Do, on Saturdays. It doesn't matter at all what I Do. I no longer feel the need to go shopping. I don't feel the need to fill myself up from the outside because I feel full from the inside. I have connected with the deep wellspring of Love within me through clearing old patterns from my childhood. I have connected with the Divine within me through ceasing to look outside of myself for Love. I have fallen in Love with myself and the Love, which I am. Now I feel filled all the time. I can be present anywhere, in any situation. I am peaceful with everything as long as I bring my Love to it. I can go shopping or go dancing or clean the toilet and feel joyous in all three circumstances because it is just about Loving, Loving, Loving in the moment. The Doing matters little as long as it comes from Loving.

Back to Life

HOME