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My Father

The year I turned 50 something strange happened to me. Within a few months I noticed that my entire physical appearance, mannerisms, habits, and the sound of my voice were all identical to those of my father. On top of that, he and I had both chosen architecture as our professions. This completed our pictures of similarity. I had become a replica of my father.

I was shocked! I used to hate my father and had sworn to myself that I would never be like him. I did not want to resemble him in any way.

I met my father for the first time when I was 10 year old. He was then 50 years old. The childhood dreams I had cherished of a tender and loving father were completely shattered. After a few months of living with him, I discovered a self-centered, inflexible, cold, greedy, lonely man. My imagined love for him turned into hate. When I was 16 years old, I experienced deep emotional depression. During that time I had thoughts of killing him. I hated the way he looked, his compulsive habits, and his gruff mannerism. I was ashamed to go out with him. We hardly communicated. Bottom line, he ignored me.

I lived with him for ten years. Over the next three decades I gradually reconnected and made peace with him. Yet, I had not completely forgiven him. Now in my 50th year, I have come to a place of compassion, understanding, and Love around the memories of my father.

I have Awakened to my Love for my father. At the time I was going through this shocking experience of looking like my father, I was doing the Next Focus in Divine Consciousness Worksheets. The outcome of doing The Work was an experience that I can best describe as "having fallen in Love with myself". One morning, soon after the completion of the Worksheets, I was looking at myself in the mirror and saw my father again as my reflection. However, I was not shocked to see him in me anymore. On the contrary, I saw the tender and loving father I had dreamt of in my childhood. A magnificent transformation had occurred: I fell in Love with my father as a result of having fallen in Love with myself.

 


 

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