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My Ego, My Teacher

I used to experience my ego from the perspective of triangulation. Triangulation is an egoic energy pattern in which there are three roles: savior, persecutor, and victim. I saw my ego as my inner child acting out, sabotaging me. My ego was the persecutor/savior and I was the victim/savior. But as I have come into deeper connection with my Soul, I have developed much more compassion for my ego. I spent my early years fighting my ego. Not knowing that it is a doorway to my Illumination. I have surrendered. I have brought my ego into Love. Everything has changed for me. I practice staying Awake for this to occur.

Ego is our greatest teacher. It can help us Awaken to the Truth of who we are as Love if we are Conscious enough to receive the teachings. It teaches through polarity. It says constantly, "Will you Love me?" It longs for Love and then creates endless roadblocks to receiving it. It reacts with judgement, criticism, protection, defense, control, and manipulation for fear of losing its power. The paradoxical nature of ego is that it both resists and craves Love. Ego will do anything for Love yet withhold Love from itself and others.

I have created many relationships with men in which similar egoic dynamics were present. "Will you Love me?" I cried. They withheld. I withheld. There is no end to this. No winners. Why did I choose to create these relationships? At the simplest level, we create relationships to heal the wounds created by triangulating with our parents. In our first relationships, as young children with our families, we cried, "Will you Love me?" We learned negative love patterns from our parents. We repeated the negative love patterns to obtain our parents' Love. The question remains, What's really going on here? Why did we create any and all of these….these parents, these relationships, these situations in which we felt unloved?

At a deeper level, we created all of this to "get it", to get the teachings, to get the Truth. To "get it" means Awakening to the fact that we already are Love. Pure Love. Only by embracing the ego can anything change for us. Only through the process of embracing the ego can we truly come to know ourselves, as Love, as whole. As long as I continue to hold my ego as separate, as something outside of myself, my ego will continue to act out. If I do not Love my ego it will hold me in polarized Consciousness. Fear is the opposite polarized state of Love. Ego knows Fear. This is all ego knows. By raising my ego up into Love, developing compassion for it, and no longer perceiving it as separate from me, it is transformed. Love transforms everything. Fear is transformed by Love. My ego no longer needs to hold me in a polarized state. Ego experiences the power of Love. My Love is the most powerful thing on the planet.

I am living my life at the level of my Soul Agreement. I know that I am Love. I see everything as Love. I hold the Consciousness of Love for myself and for all beings throughout time and space. As I hold this Consciousness, I both plant the seeds and tend the garden for everything to grow. I nurture and support the highest good to be revealed in all Beings in my world. I pray that I continue to recognize, Love, and embrace ego in myself and in others.

 

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Awakening Love
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